Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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