I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
