Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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