i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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