have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
