Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
we should paint friendship bongs
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