My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize