Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
