you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
As shirtless as possible
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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