Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
