going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
