no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
