Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
