he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
