I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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