i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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