Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
