Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
