Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
