I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
