We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
