Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
