You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk is not a location!
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