Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize