why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
