we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
