my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
