do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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