Duck Duck Cougar?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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