Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
