alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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