i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
