did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
