Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
