he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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