I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
