My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
