Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
