when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
