My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
