I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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