Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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