I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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