I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize