i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
