Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
