So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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