i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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