I'm jealous of your bromance
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
