HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
