When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
