Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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