Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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