Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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