I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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