I met the friendliest cop last night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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