you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
