so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my shit smells like andre
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
