I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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