I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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