I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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