Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
