We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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